One-Sided Love (Kakeru's Version)
by PhoenixFireBlade
Summary: "True love isn't always about two persons loving each other. Sometimes, it's just a person who loves the other." Having feelings for someone who doesn't love you back; you cry, and want to strangle yourself, but never end up doing it, because you want to live to see the person again the next day. With that said, my feelings for you will never change. (SuKeru)
1. Chapter 1: Library (1)

**Okay, so I'll just give everyone the setting of the story now.**

 **This is an AU type of thing. There is no 'East City' or 'West City' in this fic, just a plain old city.**

 **Kakeru – New to the school. He transferred a week ago and landed in Subaru's class (of course).**

 **Subaru – One of the prefects in the school. He has a good reputation among the students, but has no actual friends (just like the original that we know and love).**

 **Subaru is the heterosexual one in this fic. He is still good old antisocial Subaru who happens to be dragged into being Kakeru's best friend.**

 **One more thing: In this fic, they are the same age. I'm going along with the assumption that Subaru is a few months or so older than Kakeru. (BTW guys, is the wikia's info correct? Because I'm quite convinced that Subaru's not a middle-schooler no matter how mature he is. But if he really is in middle school, then Kakeru has to be as well… I think. I don't really know. Ignore my nonsense. XD)**

 **Subaru's version of the story is out as well! Please check that out if you haven't already. Thanks!**

* * *

 _ **Chapter 1: First Thing that happens in the Library**_

 _"True love isn't always about two persons loving each other. Sometimes, it's just a person who loves the other."_

 _\- random anime quote that fits the story_

* * *

 _He's so… cool…_

Kakeru sat behind the librarian's counter and gazed longingly at the prefect sitting a few metres away from him. Subaru was reading a book with his ever-calm demeanour, never even stopping to blink. Kakeru admired him.

 _He's so focused too… I wish I could be more like him._

Kakeru sat there daydreaming about the image of perfection laid before him. He's heard enough from his fellow schoolmates to know that Subaru was no ordinary person. He was an outstanding student compared to the rest. His marks were of an all-time high and he was good at sports. That was more or less all Kakeru could hope for.

Furthermore, he was diligent and well-behaved. He took every single thing seriously, he put as much effort as possible into everything he did, and he always produced excellent results.

Add on the fact that he was a prefect. Simply amazing.

Finally realising that he still had a great deal of work to be done, he quickly got on with stamping the returned books.

 _4.15, eh? I might have time if I do this quickly enough…_

So he set himself into a nice routine. He'd stamp two books and refill the ink on the ink pad. _Stamp, stamp, press; stamp, stamp, press; stamp, stamp, press…_

On and on his perfect rhythm went until a girl approached him.

"Ryugasaki-kun, may I borrow this book?" she asked.

"Sure thing," he replied and the girl handed over the book and her library card. He scanned the book's barcode and written down the return date in his neat, cute handwriting and gave the book back to her. She slipped it into her bag, but had no signs of leaving the counter.

"So Ryugasaki-kun, how 'bout it?"

"Huh? How about what?" Kakeru asked, confused.

"I invited you to a mixer with a bunch of my older friends, remember? We're going to a bar in town. The meeting is tomorrow night, after all, so I need your answer."

With that, he remembered. She had been pestering him to go out with her for a while now, this reckless senpai of his. Or, maybe she thought she could get him to be some kind of servant for the night, just like how popular kids would invite unpopular kids to their pool parties just to have them serve drinks and such.

Kakeru opened his mouth to reject, but then she pulled out a trump card on him. She winked all seductive and flirty and leaned onto the counter. Kakeru felt uncomfortable at her move because she had positioned herself in such a way that her tits were sitting on the counter, right in his face. His words of rejection suddenly escaped him, leaving his mind blank.

 _God, I should just reject her, shouldn't I? So why?_

"Shh," came a hissing shush from one of the library's tables. Kakeru turned to see his saving grace, which of course was none other than the prefect he admired so much. The senpai turned towards Subaru and Kakeru could see the displeasure written on her face. But when the innocent librarian looked over at Subaru, he saw the most furious, irritated scowl etched onto the boy's features. And in a weird sort of way, he thought that the frown looked good and natural on the more mature boy. He meant that it suited Subaru's looks and his serious, strict personality.

The senpai tried hard to match Subaru in their little staring contest, but finally threw in the towel and left the library, stalking out as if her pride didn't just get smashed to pieces by an underclassman. Kakeru breathed a sigh of relief internally.

With the slight chaos averted, the pair went back to their own business. Kakeru worked on stamping his books while Subaru returned to the novel before him. Kakeru, while working on the mundane task, let his mind wander.

 _I should probably thank him later. I… I can't just let it pass as if it didn't happen, now can I? He really saved me back there after all…_

 _Hmm… and maybe I should get to know him better?_ Kakeru took a closer look at Subaru. _Yeah, he is one of the faces in my class._

Kakeru got himself so successfully immersed in his daydreaming that he didn't notice the time until he was done stamping all the books.

 _4.50 already?! I won't be able to finish shelving the books before 5 then! Ughhh, what should I…_

Kakeru spotted Subaru still reading leisurely at where he sat. Gingerly, he walked over to Subaru and said, "Sorry 'bout earlier. I apologise."

Subaru looked up. Kakeru had no idea what kind of face he should've made, or what face he actually made, but Subaru didn't seem too bothered, so it must've been something okay.

"It's alright, although I'd expect the librarians to be mindful of their own rules."

Kakeru shifted uncomfortably. He was feeling fidgety with some kind of unknown pressure, and he didn't know why it was there as well.

 _I-I'm just talking to him! Why am I getting so worked up?! Oh damn…_

He looked into Subaru's imploring eyes again, and the pressure returned tenfold.

 _Y-yeah… It's his eyes! His eyes are scary and they're pressuring me, that's all! Ha ha ha…_

 _But then again, I shouldn't be this afraid of someone's eyes. And… it isn't exactly fear I'm feeling… is it?_

Being pressed for time, Kakeru moved on from pondering over his emotions. He had to shelve the books, and he needed Subaru's help.

He coughed. Subaru raised his eyebrows a little, and he spoke.

"I know it's unreasonable, but would you mind helping me shelve the books?" He saw Subaru openly checking him out, scanning him from top to bottom. He suddenly felt self-conscious of his appearance, and wondered if his hair was messy from a whole day of school.

When Subaru said "Sure, why not," his heart skipped a beat.

The prefect gave up his warm seat and Kakeru moved to push the chair in for him, although he didn't know that he and Subaru shared such great timing. Their hands bumped one another's as Subaru reached to push in the chair as well, leaving both parties a little shocked.

 _Crap, what did I just do?_

It took Kakeru a few moments to gather his bearings while Subaru seemed to be as calm and collected as usual. Clearly he thought nothing of the contact between their hands. The prefect pushed in the chair himself before Kakeru could finish rearranging his thoughts.

"Come on, we don't have all day." Kakeru looked up to see that Subaru was already by the bookshelves, and immediately fell into a sad kind of embarrassment. Subaru probably hated his wishy-washy attitude by now. His bangs dangled downwards, covering his eyes.

"Sorry," he said quietly.

Kakeru walked over to the shelves quickly, dragging along the small cart of books behind him. He picked one at random to explain to Subaru how putting them away worked.

"See, the author of this book is Usami Akihiko. So what you do is you find the 'U' section. Then, you find the…"

"I know how this library works. You don't need to explain it."

Kakeru looked up. Subaru had already picked up a book from the cart and was looking for its place among the shelves. He'd left the poor librarian alone.

Kakeru couldn't really say anything. He was feeling all uncomfortable at Subaru's iciness towards him. He hadn't expected this kind of response from the boy at all.

 _But then again, what was I expecting? For him to be all smiles and cheery? Now that would be weird._

Kakeru let out a humourless laugh internally, at himself. He was foolish if he thought that Subaru would treat him so differently, so nicely.

 _But then… why am I getting all unhappy about it?_

"Hey, that book doesn't go there," a voice broke his train of depressing thoughts.

 _Huh?_ Kakeru looked at the book he was holding. His assistant was right. The book he was holding was written by an author named Mutou, and he was standing in the 'A' section. What a fool.

"Ah… I'm sorry," Kakeru said. He was about to dodge past Subaru and put the book away in the 'M' section when Subaru stopped him with a swift grab to his arm.

"I'm heading over there now. Why don't you give the book to me?" he said. Kakeru looked at Subaru's soft features, and deluded himself that Subaru was smiling at him just because he thought he saw the normally straight lips curve up a little at the sides.

"Hai," he answered, his face red from the little interaction and physical contact. A weirdly unwelcomed chill grazed his arm when Subaru let go of it. Kakeru flinched, although unnoticeably. Mere moments later, an extremely welcomed warmth enveloped his fingers as Subaru hand collided with Kakeru's while taking the book from him. However, the warmth was short-lived, as Subaru walked away towards the 'M' section.

Kakeru could only stare at Subaru's retreating figure and he lifted the hand that was warm yet chilled up a little, as if in a daze. His gaze slowly lowered and shifted to the lower right, landing at the bottom of the bookshelf to his right.

 _What was I hoping for?_

"Something the matter?" Subaru asked. Kakeru refocused his gaze and directed it upwards again. He wasn't sure what face he was making on the outside, but inside his tears felt ready to burst. He could feel the waterworks just waiting to spring out.

And he didn't even freaking understand why!

But no matter how badly he felt on the inside, he tried his hardest to smile on the outside. He didn't want Subaru to know how he actually felt.

For the first time in his life, Kakeru found it hard to smile.

"It… It's nothing…" Kakeru replied weakly and Subaru walked over. Kakeru forced his eyes shut, unable to look into Subaru's glistening orbs. The decidedly more mature one patted Kakeru's head gently, and Kakeru once again deluded himself, this time into thinking that the prefect's gesture was one of affection and not anything else. Hell, he could be imagining Subaru's petting and the presence of his hand on his head right now.

When Kakeru opened his eyes, the hands were suddenly gone. Subaru had gone back to work too, and was standing at a faraway shelf at that. The top of his cranium felt cold and Kakeru used one of his hands to check if his hair was ruffled – if he really did imagine that whole affectionate scenario.

His hair was exactly the way it was before.

This fact alone depressed Kakeru even further, and he wasn't sure what to think anymore. Was he really this delusional? Did he really just imagine all that? Was it really fake, only true in Kakeru's mind? But even if all that was truly fake, there was still one question that remained unanswered.

 _Why…?_

* * *

In the end, Kakeru himself didn't do much work. Most of the workload was handled by Subaru, who didn't complain at all. However, that only added on to the guilt factor, and was another thing that Kakeru would have to thank and apologise to the prefect about later on.

He locked the door on their way out. Subaru walked him to the school gates. Kakeru knew that he should've seized the opportunity to talk to Subaru, but couldn't find anything to talk about.

 _The sunset? The breeze? School? No, that's not really anything nice to talk about…_

"What are you going to tell your senpai?" Subaru suddenly asked, jolting Kakeru from his inner thoughts.

"Huh? Senpai?"

"Yeah, that bitch who was bitching really loudly in the library. What are you going to do about it?"

Kakeru couldn't think straight for a moment. Did he really just curse? He ended up chuckling which perked Subaru's attention, and gradually those chuckles became laughs. The sad tears that he wouldn't let out just now in the library came gushing out, disguised as happy tears.

"Well, once you're done crying, I suggest thinking about it seriously. Personally, I figure you should just reject her straight to her face. Well bye now, Ryugasaki Kakeru," said the midnight-blue haired boy. It was too sudden. Kakeru stopped laughing and immediately the pain of his laughter jabbed him in the side. He managed to let out something sort of like a whimpering whisper.

"Wait! How do you know my name?" he quickly asked before Subaru could leave the gates.

"I know the names of my classmates. And it's only fair to assume that you know mine as well, right?" Subaru said back. Kakeru nodded. Of course he knew who the well-respected prefect was.

"Bye then. See you around." Subaru's silhouette disappeared round the school gates. At first, Kakeru tried to run to him, but figured that he needed to go home too. Their houses probably weren't in the same direction anyway.

He sighed. The spots that Subaru touched before – his arm, fingers, and possibly the top part of his scalp – suddenly burned. Kakeru could feel the tingling sensation within, and no matter how much he tried to subdue it himself, he was damn unsuccessful. He started his walk back home, his hands rubbing those throbbing parts the whole time, as memory after memory of the lingering touch washed over him over and over again, like waves lapping at the beach.

He couldn't comprehend it. He's high-fived people before, but no matter how painful the high-five at the moment, it would all go away in a matter of minutes. Subaru's simple touch, on the other hand…

It was a long lasting sensation. Yes, it truly was. It wouldn't go away no matter how much Kakeru wanted it to – not that he did. It was like some kind of hidden scar that bore no visible marks, yet it was engraved deep into his memory and flesh. He knew that he wouldn't forget this touch, now and forever. He would continue to bask in its glory, to continue feeling these raw emotions forever, to continue wanting to relive these memories, and to be a slave to these desires…

 _Forever, and ever…_

* * *

 **Okay I turned crazy ass weird right at the ending there XD I didn't really mean to get all philosophical and whatnot, but the words just came spilling out, and I just allowed it to run free while it lasted. I have to say though, I'm really proud of the last bit.**

 **Kakeru's parts are way longer and way more detailed than Subaru's, huh? I'm sorry, but Kakeru's viewpoint can create such perfect images that I simply can't let go of it. That's what I mean when I say that the two stories will diverge – they already are. Subaru's never going to react like Kakeru in his version, but Kakeru's not so infatuated as to do such things in Subaru's version of the story.**

 **So in this first chapter we already have a lovey-dovey scene, but in Subaru's it is purely an intro. In general, I think Subaru's story would be shorter by default, but who knows right? Maybe I can do something Subaru-exclusive in his version, and maybe Kakeru can his own exclusive episode in this story. We'll see as the stories progress and if I can get ideas that would only work one-way from you readers.**

 **Disclaimer: The pic used is not mine. Credit goes to its creator, whoever he/she may be. I do not know who he/she is for I found this lovely thing off the internet XD**

 **Thank you for successfully sitting through my first chapter of this journey! My other story is on hiatus (please don't hate) but I will return one day to complete it (or at least get the next chapter done. I aim to post something before 2016). Bye for now!**

 **~PhoenixFireBlade~**


	2. Chapter 2: Home (1)

**_Chapter 2: First Thing that happens at Home_**

 _"Lord, please don't let me fall in love with someone who's not willing to catch me."_

* * *

Kakeru stopped by a convenience store on his way home. He had to get instant noodles and some milk for the night's dinner. There was no way that he would be able to cook in his current state of mind. It was too fuzzy to think clearly.

 _Oh come on, I shouldn't be so caught up in this! I have to forget it for now, and just concentrate on what I need to do. Yes, tonight I need a bath, my dinner, and my homework done. I can't waste time!_

"Um, excuse me," some random stranger said to him. Kakeru was shocked out of his stupor and backed off from the milk shelves. It was a middle-aged man who had asked him to move. Judging by the suit and tie, he was most likely a person who held a rather high position. Surely he had no time to waste waiting for some random kid to finish daydreaming.

Kakeru sighed. _After all, I'm just another random kid. Why should he act any different around me than other people? Hell, I just officially met him!_

 _Enough of wallowing in self-pity. I should get home…_

* * *

Kakeru reached his apartment. It was a small, snug and cozy little place, big enough for one person. He produced a key and unlocked the front door, completing the action with an all-too familiar "I'm home!"

Those words in itself made him homesick. He missed the good old days back in his hometown. Back when he came through the house's front doors with an "I'm home!", there would always be a "Welcome home, Kakeru," or a "Welcome home, honey," from his mother to echo his greeting. He missed it.

"Mom's working hard out there…" Kakeru said to no one in particular. His mother had been working hard overseas. Kaneki Ryugasaki was good at her work, so when an overseas company sought this single mother out, how could she say no? It was a chance for her to finally provide better things for her son since her husband passed away.

The fact that his mother was leaving him in Japan came to Kakeru as quite a shock. But what was even more shocking was when Kakeru, after crying and whining about it so much, suddenly agreed, with only one condition.

 _"Mom, let me move to the city," he had said._

 _"Eh? Why Kakeru darling?"_

 _"Because…" Truth was, he didn't really know why either. He was acting purely on impulse, but it felt right. He felt like he had to get out there._

 _"No problem," his mother suddenly said. "If you want to move to somewhere bigger, that's fine. It's time you got some exposure of the hectic cities anyway." She had reshocked Kakeru with her own words and her go-with-the-flow attitude. Kakeru didn't really know what else to say._

 _"Thanks, mom."_

"She's working hard, so I have to as well. I can't stand here daydreaming all day!" He was about to get his towel for a bath when his phone beeped. He scrambled to get it before the ringing stopped.

"Ryugasaki-kun, this is Tenpouin," came the soft-spoken greeting. "Your request to transfer cities has gotten through, so starting Friday you'll be attending Crossfire again. Location will be provided on the day itself as usual. Is this okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks a lot Tenpouin-san," he replied. Tenpouin was really nice to him, and he could easily start an hour-long conversation with just an idea and a few words. But he didn't feel up to it, not with the destructive storm raging in his head and turning all his thoughts into utter chaos.

"It may be a little hard at first," Tenpouin's voice suddenly rang through the speaker, "but I'm sure you'll make great friends. Hee hee." With that, she hung up.

 _Make great friends, huh? How's that even possible…_

Kakeru set down his phone and plugged it in to charge. He didn't want to let its battery drain. He felt it more important than ever that his phone never die on him now.

 _What am I doing?_ _Why am I doing things differently? What's driving me to do this?_ He pondered, but then stopped. He just left the device charging at his bedside table.

 _Never mind. Better safe than sorry. It might be a premonition of some sort._

He stripped after, flinging his uniform to the ground outside the bathroom shower. He decided that he was just going to bring it to the Laundromat along with his other clothes later, or maybe tomorrow.

He turned on the shower. Water sprayed from the showerhead hung above him. He had his eyes downcast and he turned on the heat of the water. He didn't realise that the water was scalding hot until his arm was doused in red. He nearly yelped and turned off the water.

 _What is this…?! My hand!_

He got out of the shower immediately, but was careless enough to slip and fall on the wet floor. He landed on the floor with a crash, and he scraped his right elbow and bumped his right knee on the floor's tiles. He tried to get up, but was too tired to do so. It didn't help that the floor was still slippery. It didn't take long for red to stain the tiles as well. His skin burned. His knee hurt. His elbow seared.

And his eyes stung. With tears.

 _Ugh, dammit…_

He lay there for a while, incapable of moving. He hoped that he could soon, so that he could clean up the mess he made.

 _This is unacceptable. Why?_

He tried to clean up his tears, but they just came back each time he wiped at them. He hated this feeling.

 _What was this called again? Weak?_

He gritted his teeth and tried to stand up again. He pushed himself off the ground with much effort and placed a hold on the sink and towel racks. Slowly, he inched his way across the bathroom back out.

He sighed. It was strangely exhausting to trip and fall because of your own bathroom floor. Kakeru wasn't sure how, why or when, but this single thought floated to him.

 _Has he ever tripped like that in his life?_

But the moment he considered it, he ruled out the possibility. It would be beyond ridiculous to imagine Subaru sprawled out on the ground so unfashionably. There was no way.

What did it matter anyway? It wasn't like the usually apathetic boy was around to see him hurt and tired by his own carelessness. Perhaps he was lucky for not having the chance to embarrass himself. If fate were cruel enough to give him the chance, he would surely make a fool out of himself.

Kakeru couldn't help but keep thinking about Subaru's reaction if he saw him in the situation. Perhaps he would just stand there. Perhaps he would look away. Perhaps he would say something mean. Perhaps he would say something nice. Perhaps he would actually show that he cared. He wondered if Subaru would help him bandage his wounds too. That would be something out of a fairy tale, but you never know right?

 _Ha… yeah right._

So, after a while, he began to bandage his wounds after realising that there was no one around to help him out. Sitting around and getting himself infected would do him no good anyway.

Following that, he cleaned up the bloody mess in the bathroom before settling for a rub down instead of a bath. He didn't trust himself to survive trying to bathe again.

Doing homework had never been as painful for Kakeru. The drama took its toll on him, plus he was never that strong when it came to studying. It didn't mean that he was weak at it though.

After he finished up with his work, he moved on to entertainment. While YouTube always had his back, he kept having this premonition that something was amiss. But if he didn't know its roots, he couldn't get rid of it anyway.

Suddenly, he ended up on Facebook.

 _What am I doing here?_ And he was genuinely surprised. After all, there was no actual reason for him to be on social networks anyway. He was told that Subaru had no accounts anywhere.

"It's too troublesome," Yuki quoted said boy when Kakeru asked.

But he signed in anyway and tried searching up a few of his closer classmates. He visited their pages but lingered on Homura Naoya's page. Said boy had many, many class photos along with others posted on his profile.

Kakeru examined those class pictures and always tried to find Subaru in them.

 _There, and there, and there…!_

In every class photo there he was. The prefect was always seated or standing in the front row for he donned the prefect's uniform. Beside him was always Naoya, donning his own prefect uniform.

 _In this… and this… and… this…_

There was a momentary pang of sadness – and perhaps jealousy? – that rose in Kakeru upon seeing Naoya's pretty face right beside Subaru's. Every single _fucking_ picture, he would be sure to be there. Kakeru felt unnaturally stirred up by it.

 _And – am I seeing wrong?! I hope I am… – he's always closer to Subaru than anyone else is with everyone else!_

The only consolation he found, however, was in Subaru's expression.

 _At least he's not really smiling._

That was his only solace in seeing those pictures. Subaru didn't seem too happy (when did he ever, really?) about being wherever he was. Most of the time he would simply be wearing his famous frown and Kakeru had never been so happy to see that frown so pointedly directed at the camera.

 _So perhaps he's not happy about Naoya always being beside him?_

There was that temporary feeling of relief, and then there was guilt.

 _Why am I even thinking like that? Sorry, Naoya-kun._

He gave those photos little likes and left a friend request on Naoya's profile. He meant to sign out right after that, but Naoya responded beyond lightning speed, as if he had been waiting for Kakeru to friend-request him. It was almost scary.

 _Friend request accepted!_ said Facebook. He decided it rude to just log off immediately, so he ended up chatting with Naoya.

 **Kakeru: Hello Naoya-san.**

 **Naoya: Hai Ryugasaki-kun! *:.^0^.:***

 **Kakeru: Naoya-san… -sweatdrop-**

 **Naoya: What? Something wrong with my emoticon? XP**

 **Kakeru: N-nothing…**

 **Naoya: I saw that you really loved my pictures, Ryu-chan.**

 **Kakeru: Ryu-chan? 0_0ll**

 **Naoya: Yeah, Ryu-chan! It suits you, don't you think?**

 **Kakeru: Well I guess…**

 _But Subaru-kun doesn't have a nickname for me…_

 **Naoya: Hehe… Anyway, Ryu-chan, would you be mad if I told you that I'm keeping secrets from you?**

 **Kakeru: I guess I'm fine with that. I mean, everyone has their own secrets, right? So it wouldn't be right for me to get mad at you for keeping secrets. Also, I'm new, so I wouldn't expect anyone to tell me many secrets yet.**

 **Naoya: But what if it's a big secret? Wouldn't you like to be in on it?**

 **Kakeru: It doesn't matter much to me Naoya-san. If I'm in on it, then I'm in. If I'm not, then I'll just stay out of it.**

 **Naoya: Hmm, I see. And what if the secret could change your whole world? Flip it on its knees and turn it upside down?**

 **Kakeru: I can't do anything about it if no one's willing to tell me right? It's not like I can force secrets out from people.**

 **Naoya: But if you could, would you?**

 **Kakeru: Probably not. Anyway, why are we talking about this, Naoya-san?**

 **Naoya: No reason. I was just curious. But seriously Ryu-chan, this naïve thinking will get you nowhere. Trust me on this.**

 **Kakeru: Okay…**

 **Naoya: And if you ever need someone to talk with, I'm always here for you, so don't be shy.**

 **Kakeru: You make it seem like my world's going to end…**

 **Naoya: Hehe… Ryu-chan, do you believe that little white lies are harmless?**

 **Kakeru: Perhaps? I mean, if nobody's going to get harmed because of it, then it is harmless…?**

 **Naoya: I see. Well, the secret I'm keeping from you is rather harmless, and it isn't really much of your business to begin with anyway. All you need to know is this: Stay away from Subaru. Well bye.**

 ** _'Naoya has logged off', said the screen right after._**

 _'Stay away from Subaru?' What?_

Kakeru was at a loss. In his confusion, his fingers moved to put his laptop to sleep by pushing the screen down.

"Well, bye," he mumbled out, his brain still in a fritz. There was no way. Why would Naoya-san tell him to stay away from the prefect? It wasn't right; it just wasn't right! Naoya didn't have the right to say that! Unless he did?

Kakeru didn't feel like proving his suspicions yet. He hoped he didn't have to. He hoped he was wrong. But inwardly, he knew there was something off. And he knew the rhyme and reason behind it.

 _Whoever it was that said "Ignorance is bliss" was spot on. This is too much. How am I to face him?_

Kakeru rubbed the wound on his elbow. It still burned under the bandages, although not as much. He clambered into bed defeated and exhausted, his hand never leaving the wound.

He lay there in bed. Slowly, he shut his eyes and let the darkness sink. He was still caressing the bandages, liking the way it hurt under his touch. There was pain. There was pleasure.

He fell asleep. Hours passed, and he must've been plunged into a dream.

He mumbled, "Subaru-kun, please help me to change these bandages. They hurt."

And the Subaru in his dream said, "Sure. Let's go to the infirmary."

Kakeru, in his dream, happily giggled and took Subaru's outstretched hand. They walked side by side towards the infirmary, and the transfer student had never felt happier.

But, there was always something in his way. Even in his dreams.

"Su-ba-ru-chan!"

Instantly, Subaru turned around. And although he didn't want to, Kakeru was dragged along with Subaru.

 _Please! Please no! Not him! Not now!_

"Naoya-san," Subaru greeted the silver-haired male, his face breaking into a subtle smile. Yes, it was subtle, but smiles are smiles.

 _He's never smiled at me…_

"I know you aren't on duty right now, but people are cutting lines in the cafeteria. I just can't handle them. So please?" Naoya requested the boy.

"Sure," Subaru replied. And then there it was. The all-too-familiar touch of loneliness that held his hand once Subaru let it go. And it stung.

Kakeru looked up. Subaru didn't look back, but Naoya did for a split second. A weird sensation filled his head, and Kakeru realised that he was hearing Naoya's thoughts.

 _I told you to stay away._

And then they were out of sight.

The touch of loneliness slithered up Kakeru's arm, like a snake, and threatened to strangle him. Suffocate and kill him. Not let him see daylight again.

"Su… ba… ru…" Kakeru choked out, spit and saliva flowing out the corner of his lips. Before him, the loneliness took the form of a real snake, and it was going to kill him. It had emerald eyes, Kakeru noticed, just like Naoya's.

 _"I told you to stay away,"_ the snake hissed. It was a mix of hissing and Naoya's cold, unempathetic voice. The threat was clear.

The snake plunged its blade-like tail with all its sharpened, jagged scales deep into Kakeru's throat, drawing blood. He was tortured from inside and outside his neck, suffocated by one and wounded by the other. Slowly, the liquid that overflowed the corners of his mouth turned from pure saliva to a metallic-smelling mixture of blood and saliva.

"No… Stop, please… mmph!" His pleads were cut off sharply with a knife-scale to his tongue. There was immense pain and Kakeru could see the swift motions of the tail push the severed organ out of his mouth. It landed on the ground with a sickening squish.

He was on his knees now, still struggling to pry the snake out and off him. The creature made no sign of doing so, and instead dug deeper. Kakeru felt the corner of his lips rip when the snake forced its way into him, but he couldn't scream, not with his tongue cut and his vocal chords destroyed.

Inside, Kakeru could feel the snake rummaging his body, like a child would when he or she was trying his exercise book stashed deep in his or her school bag. Apparently, he was correct, as he felt some excruciating pain – perhaps the snake found and took what it was looking for? – and then he could feel the scales retract as they brushed up against his insides.

Once it was all the way out, Kakeru's body fell to the ground with a limp thud. He was barely breathing and he knew he wouldn't be for long. He saw the tail of the creature that had just mutilated him. It was wrapped around… well something. Something dark red, and bloody, and vital to him.

His heart.

The creature then fitted Kakeru's heart into its mouth, clasped gently but firmly between its fangs. It slithered up to him once more.

 _"I told you to stay away."_ Kakeru looked at it as if transfixed, gazing into its imploring eyes. Naoya's eyes, to be exact. They, in all their emerald glory, were menacing, and it terrified him. He wanted to cry.

 _Subaru-kun… please… save me…_

And with a chomp, his heart was in pieces. Pain ripped through him one last time, more painful than ever, and then it all went blank.

* * *

"Hah, hah, hah…"

Kakeru panted heavily. His eyes were wet with uncountable tears and saliva streamed down his mouth. Even his hair was not spared the horror of the nightmare.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God…" Kakeru muttered, saliva practically spewing everywhere. There was no self-control, not in his state. He would count himself lucky if he hadn't wet himself yet, but he was too disorientated to even tell if he had.

Trying to take deep breaths only made it worse. The accumulated saliva successfully blocked off his airways, which sent him into a coughing fit as it trickled into his lungs. It was like reliving the nightmare.

His eyes stung with the pressure. The coughs were so violent that pain surfaced from his insides, and it drove him crazy. He felt like he was ripped apart. And then, something else happened.

He vomited. All over himself, his bed, his floor, everywhere. It stank like hell and he cried even more. He could feel the bile rise in his throat the more he vomited. But there was no helping it. He hadn't regained his self-control yet. He had no authority over his own actions, and he figured he might not get it back for a while. His whole body convulsed and shook.

"Ulgh… ack…!"

And even after he vomited everything he had for dinner, he couldn't do anything. As much as he regained his control, he was too weak, too limp to do anything. He just lay there, unable to move.

 _Get up already, sheesh. What are you, a pussy?!_

He could feel those tears still streaming down his cheeks, but they felt lighter and lighter. He knew they were stopping; they had to be. There was no other way. The be-hard-on-yourself method had worked before and would work again. It had to. Soon, he was sitting up on the bed's edge, although he was panting for his life.

 _Clean it up… now… before school… before anyone sees you… before he sees you… before he laughs at you… before he… leaves you…_

* * *

Naoya was in his room, just shutting down his own computer. He had a victorious grin on his face, as if he'd just gotten the first in his class. But no, he had something better.

 _I'm going to stop you… stop you from being with anyone… you're mine, all mine…_ He giggled, then it escalated a little, and then he burst.

"HAA HAA HAA HAA HAAAAA! You're mine, all mine! Don't run away, Ryu-chan, hehe. I won't let you after all. Hehe."

Even if it was a somewhat suicidal method, Naoya was determined to make Kakeru his. He would sabotage the boy's life so much that he would have nowhere else to turn to.

 _Especially not him. I won't let him have my darling. He can't take everything from me. I won't allow it. He's taken enough from me._

The 'he' of course was Subaru. And in a way, Subaru did take everything from Naoya, which was why the silverhead wanted revenge on the so-called robber. Subaru had perfect grades, was good at sports, was better than him at art, was better at music – everything. Every single fucking thing he could think of, there was always Subaru to beat him. Except for one.

Human interactions.

This was why Naoya was always so worked up about socialising. He always had his gentlemanly ways honed to perfection. When girls talked, they talked about him. He enjoyed being the well-loved popular figure in his ranks. Every move, every smile was always calculated. And he liked it that way.

So when new transfer student Ryu-chan came along, Naoya set his goals immediately. He figured that it would be an experiment: to make his dear Ryu-chan to be his and his only. No outsiders, no interferences.

Especially not Subaru.

Seeing them talk and spend time together set off alarm bells within Naoya's mind. His chains of loneliness that were supposed to bind Ryugasaki were being freed. And he realised that it wasn't Subaru's doing. Not at all. It was purely his darling's actions.

 _That's why I won't let him get close to anyone,_ Naoya vowed. _He doesn't need them. The only one he'll ever need… is me._

* * *

 **OMFG it's a threesome! Yes sir, I'm adding this in (wow it's becoming complicated XD). There's a weird gig going on now, haha.**

 **To everyone who managed to sit through this: I'M SORRY FOR BRUTALLY MURDERING KAKERU! Honestly, I didn't want to, but those vivid images prodded me to go on with the snake and all that shit. I figured that snakes actually suit Naoya well for some strange reason. I can't really explain much about how it came to be. I didn't even plan for Kakeru to have such a dream but once I started I couldn't stop. (I'm rambling.)**

 **Can somebody tell me if I wrote Naoya's personality a little too over the top? I think a certain amount of craziness suits him fine, but if I overdid it, please tell me so I can tone it down a notch in the future chapters. That doesn't mean I'll rewrite this chapter though.**

 **I'm truly sorry to everyone. You might need to put the Naoya pieces between Subaru's story and Kakeru's story together at some point. I feel like I'll easily miss out on a detail or two regarding him.**

 **Oh but please treat Kakeru's thoughts and Subaru's thoughts in their respective stories separately. They're parallel universes, not different perspectives of the same time and space.**

 **Not much Subaru here, but this entire story (more or less) is written Kakeru's perspective. I needed to add Naoya so that things would be a little clearer, but I don't think there would be much Subaru perspective. With that said, Subaru's story would mainly focus on his feelings and not Kakeru's as well.**

 **Well, that's about it for now. I'm sorry Kakeru fans that I did this to him, but it was needed. Anyways, please check out Subaru's story if you haven't. Thanks and bye!**

 **~PhoenixFireBlade~**


	3. Chapter 3: School Morning (1)

**_Chapter 3: First Thing that happens in the Classroom_**

 _"_ _By allowing someone else a special privilege, you're denying me a special privilege. You're denying me the privilege of being special to you."_

 _–_ _PhoenixFireBlade (Yup, I made up my own smart-sounding line.)_

* * *

Kakeru pondered over the surreal dream he had last night. It wasn't exactly easy to take his mind off of, considering how his chest still hurt a little whenever he inhaled a breath of air. That coughing fit was very, very intense, he concluded. Not to mention he had to clean up a second mess of the night with his legs weak as a newborn fawn's. It certainly wasn't easy, and he remembered wanting to give up.

 _I'm certainly glad I didn't,_ he thought to himself. _I need to prove that I'm strong enough to take care of myself._

He simply hoped that the dream he had was nothing but a fragment of his imagination overworking itself through the night. Research proved that if you thought over something too long and hard, it would even enter your dreams because your brain was still working on it. And he especially hoped that it wasn't a premonition or anything, because he feared snakes. It happened because there was once a snake in his bedroom back his hometown that almost bit him. Luckily he managed to knock over a table with his clumsiness and give the creature a good beating on the head. That didn't mean he was any less afraid of snakes and refused to sleep in there for a month.

Kakeru rubbed his chest to ease off some of the pain. The walk to school did give him time to do that and it helped a little. He simply needed to be okay enough to stop anyone from noticing anything, after all. He didn't want them to find out and worry, and it wasn't exactly the most glorious thing you could tell someone anyway.

When he neared the school gates, he took his hand off his chest, straightened his back, and pretended that he was fine.

* * *

Kakeru reached the classroom worn out and in pain. Walking up the stairs to the second floor was no easy task with a hurting chest and a heavy bag slung over his back. He was kind of surprised that he hadn't tripped or anything yet.

As soon as he stepped in, he spotted Subaru in his seat, looking out the window. He seemed to be as bored as ever. In the seat across from Subaru, Naoya was sitting there, smiling.

"Ohayo, Ryu-chan!" the silverhead greeted him chirpily. He seemed to be in high spirits, and as much as Kakeru didn't actually agree to allowing that nickname, he didn't hate it enough to make Naoya stop using it. Besides, what did it matter if Naoya gave him a nickname, anyway? It did no harm, did it?

So, he just returned the greeting without a word of complaint.

"Ohayo, Naoya-san."

Afterwards, he just put his bag down. He turned his head away from his classmates and took a deep breath to make up for the energy loss when he walked up the stairs. Then, he unfastened his locker key from his bag and went outside.

Kakeru bent down and grabbed his books from the lockers right outside the classroom. He took a deep breath and pulled out his math books, Japanese books and English books. He winced as he put them down on the floor and closed his locker. Then, he put away his locker key.

 _Ok, I can do this, I can do this. It's just a short walk back into the classroom, after all. I can handle it._

With a sharp intake of breath and a sharp flash of pain through his chest, he heaved the books up and pressed them against his body for support. It didn't help that the Japanese and English books were so thick.

 _Just make it back…_

Gingerly, he took a few steps forward. Seeing that he probably wouldn't last very long in that state, he quickly resolved to hurry back to his seat before anyone noticed that he was struggling.

But then again, you know as they say, "more haste, less speed."

He didn't exactly watch where he was going with the high stack of books in front of him, so it was no surprise when he bumped into the table of the seat in front of his seat. His books scattered onto the floor and he bumped his hurt elbow onto the table before landing in a heap with his papers and scattered notes.

 _Dammit…!_

When he pushed his face off the cold tiled floor, the first thing he saw was Subaru still sitting at his seat without a care in the world. He hadn't seemed to notice Kakeru spread out on the ground, but the red-eyed bluenette knew better. There was no way that Subaru didn't notice the commotion just a few feet away from him.

He knew it. At home, he managed to escape embarrassing himself when he fell because he was in the comforts of his own home. There was no one around, no one to see him take his magnificent fall. But in school, it was the complete opposite. He remembers thinking at home about how, if given the chance, he would definitely embarrass himself in front of the level-headed prefect. He didn't actually think that it would come true, and so soon no less.

 _Why…? I didn't want…!_

After a while, Kakeru realised that nobody was actually coming over to help him off the ground, so he started to pick up his books on his own. It seemed that Naoya had disappeared off to God-knows-where, and his other classmates either didn't realise that he had tripped or they were ignoring the poor boy in the corner. Needless to say, Subaru's facial expression was as stoic and cold as ever.

 _Why isn't he helping me?_ Kakeru wondered. _He didn't notice? No, that's not right. He must've noticed. Does that mean he's ignoring me? That could be it, but he was so nice to me just yesterday._ And then, he realised the flaw in his thinking.

 _Why am I thinking in a way that I expect him to help me? That's so presumptuous of me. He can do whatever he wants and it has nothing to do with me._

But the bluenette couldn't help but feel a little let down by that. He genuinely thought that Subaru would help him out, but then realised that he had his hopes too high and they got dashed instead.

 _I'm still too innocent. I actually thought that he would help me,_ he thought, chiding himself for his supposed foolishness. He felt like crying and laughing at the same time, both at himself. As soon as he finished picking up his books and hurling them onto his table, he heard the squeaking of a chair being pushed out and the soft taps of a certain prefect's shoes against the tiles coming towards him.

"Get up already. You look pathetic lying on the ground," came the umempathetic comment. Kakeru felt his insides crumble a little, but they pieced themselves back together seeing Subaru's outstretched hand. His eyes were averted, but that didn't mean the gesture was any less delighting.

Kakeru reached out with his uninjured left arm to grab hold of Subaru's right hand since he didn't want to strain his injured right arm. What he didn't expect was Subaru extending his left hand instead to grab Kakeru at his right elbow.

"Ow!" Kakeru exclaimed at the action. He hadn't had time to even think before he let the minor shriek escape his lips. If he had better self-control he wouldn't have done this to himself.

"What, were you hurt there?" Subaru asked, albeit coldly. Kakeru wondered if Subaru was being rude or sarcastic with his words. The way he said it wasn't exactly comforting either. There was a hint of annoyance buried in his lips.

"No… not really," Kakeru said, taking his arm back from Subaru's grasp and rubbing it. He let his gaze fall to the ground, away from Subaru's cold, icy orbs. Subaru let out a sigh and spoke up.

"You know, you could brush up on your lying." Kakeru felt a hand extend over to his sleeve and gently the hand clutched onto his jacket.

"It feels a little thicker here. Just saying," Subaru pointed out, caressing the fabric where the bandages around his elbow lay hidden underneath. Kakeru watched as Subaru's eyes softened for a while as he seemed fixated on rubbing his wound. Then, he left without a word.

 _Did he purposely go for my arm then? When did he notice? Was it that obvious?_

Kakeru couldn't deny that he felt a little happy knowing that Subaru had been looking at him after all. There was that little spark of delight blossoming within the bluenette at the fact that the prefect had noticed him. He felt dizzy with joy and blood rushed to his cheeks.

At that time, Naoya came back into class. He looked like he just got out of a confrontation. Probably he had to satiate a teacher on his way back.

"Eh Ryu-chan, your face is red," Naoya pointed out with a gentle smile. What Kakeru didn't know was that Naoya wasn't smiling inside.

 _He's blushing. And it wasn't because of me._

"Oh, is it? Haha… No wonder it's so hot in here," Kakeru replied, his answer sounding a little like mumbling. He seemed a little giddy, Naoya observed. He was giddy with happiness.

 _Happiness that wasn't me? That's strange. That shouldn't happen. It should never happen._

"Where's Subaru-kun?" Naoya asked as soon as he sensed that the other prefect's seat was empty. Kakeru looked up at the silverhead with an innocent smile.

"I don't know. He just went off," he replied, looking around himself to make sure. "Why, do you need to talk to him?"

"Yeah," Naoya lied. "I need to pass him something. Would you help me look for him?" Kakeru nodded willingly and they both separated in their search.

As soon as there was enough distance to make sure Kakeru wouldn't notice him, Naoya stopped. There was something that he wanted the bluenette to see, and it included the dark-haired prefect. There was something in Kakeru's eyes that burned even when he was down, and that was affection. Affection for his competition. And he wanted nothing more than to extinguish that little flame.

 _Gomen Kakeru, but I can't have you go on like this._

He smirked, knowing that Kakeru would witness everything he wanted him to see about his idol. And once he saw what he needed to see, Kakeru would crumble.

 _After all, nothing hurts more than the person you adore adoring someone else, right?_

…

"Argh… where could he be?!" Kakeru muttered out of frustration. He was already running himself tired and spinning himself in circles and yet he still hadn't found Subaru. He checked the time from his watch.

 _7.20? That's almost class time._

Kakeru picked up his pace again and made his way down to the ground floor, because that was the only place he hadn't checked yet.

 _I should hurry,_ he thought to himself. He couldn't afford to be late.

When he reached the landing between floors, he spotted black shoes that belonged to a certain prefect. He was about to continue his descent when he saw Naoya walking right beside him. The taller prefect was saying something to the shorter one, and while Subaru didn't seem to be listening, he wasn't brushing him off either.

Then, Naoya placed his hands on Subaru's shoulder blades. Kakeru saw Subaru shoot him a sharp glare, but Naoya pretended to not notice the obvious attention. In the end, Subaru admitted defeat and just allowed Naoya to play his choo-choo-train game. Kakeru couldn't help but feel all sour and bitter about it, even if he couldn't be the one doing that anyway. He thought that Subaru didn't consider him close enough to do that.

 _It's not fair,_ he found himself thinking. _Just because they're prefects and they have alone time doesn't mean that Naoya-san can do those things to Subaru-kun._

However, Subaru turned around, and soon he was facing directly at Kakeru's direction. When the stern prefect was about to look up the landing to make sure that no students were lingering around, Kakeru quickly ducked to the side, contradicting his previous desire for attention. Perhaps it was proof of his cowardice. It seemed that Subaru didn't notice Kakeru's presence as the bluenette could hear footsteps walking away from the bottom of the staircase. He sighed in frustration as his inner feelings clashed and made his eyes tear up.

 _What am I doing?_ he questioned. _It's not like it's the end of the world if he sees me. Why do I need to avoid him?_

 _Wasn't what I wanted… attention?_

Feeling defeated and exhausted at his own actions, he gave up trying to go downstairs and talk to Subaru. He estimated that he could do so later, so he dragged his sorry feet and clutched his churning abdomen as he trudged up back the stairs.

Although he did that, there was a nagging feeling buried in the pits of his mind that screamed alarms at him. He felt that something was going to happen between the two prefects the moment he wasn't looking.

Not too long after, he reached the floor where his classroom was. He looked down from the balcony that showcased the school's open-sky courtyard, and saw a sight that he was better off not seeing.

Subaru was walking a little faster as if he was trying to break free from Naoya, resulting in the silver-haired prefect running to catch up to him. Perhaps the normally-careful boy was a little drowsy or something that morning too, so when Subaru stepped up a ledge, Naoya missed it and tumbled forward, landing right splat on top of Subaru. And that wasn't all. Since Subaru had turned around when he heard Naoya fall, he ended up on his back with Naoya's legs between his, spreading his thighs like a maiden's.

Immediately, Kakeru's eyes turned from dejected and confused to hurt and angered upon that accidental but suggestive display. Sure he couldn't blame Naoya for being a little careless – heck, he was lucky nobody saw him splayed out on his bathroom floor – but he wasn't actually okay with him taking advantage of the fact that Subaru was conveniently right in front of him for him to land on.

But more than anything, he wanted to understand why exactly he was angry. Naoya just tripped and fell, that's all. How could he be angry over something as trivial as that?

He considered the fire in his heart to be jealousy, but then waved the thought away. How could he be jealous? It wasn't like he wanted to fall onto Subaru, right? What was there to be jealous about then? So he dismissed the thought.

Perhaps he was angry that Naoya could have hurt Subaru by landing on top of him.

Perhaps he was angry that Naoya's fall looked not-so-accidental when his last step – the one that made him trip over the ledge – looked forced.

Perhaps he was angry that Subaru didn't notice that Naoya was acting.

Perhaps he was angry that Subaru wasn't angry at Naoya for falling on top of him.

Perhaps he was angry that Subaru might've known and purposely allowed Naoya to fall on top of him.

Perhaps he was angry at himself for not being there, for not talking to Subaru when he had the chance.

Perhaps this could all be avoided if he was just a little less insecure.

And perhaps, he might've been just a little happier.

* * *

 **Definitions for the Japanese terms I used:**

Ohayo: Good morning

Gomen: Sorry

* * *

 **Well that took a long time XD Sorry 'bout that. School started recently and I'm still getting used to it.**

 **Chapters like these will generally be similar repetitions of each other, but in greater and greater detail every time (I hope). Their feelings will somewhat escalate a little every time and I hope that'll be enough for you guys to be satisfied until I get bored of repetition.**

 **By the way, tell me if you guys like/dislike me putting in my own lines. I was too lazy to search for appropriate quotes this time. My apologies, hehe.** **Bye-bye :)**

 **~PhoenixFireBlade~**


End file.
